You know those epiphanies you have at a stupid time in the morning when you're trying to sleep? Here's one I had earlier.

I've never really had a Best Friend. I've had a fair few Good Friends, and a small number of Very Good Friends, but no-one has really qualified as Best Friend. Most of the friends I've had have been there for convenience. I had some Very Good Friends in secondary school, but none of those have left me any cause to remember them, fondly or not. It's just a simple fact. I've enjoyed their company and I've held them very dear to me, but now that I don't see them I feel no real sense of loss, nor do I feel the need to stay in contact with them. There are some friends I do still see (mainly Choir Friends, who automatically have their own status because I see them so rarely) and whom I still feel strongly about, but again I get the feeling that if we parted company for one reason or another I wouldn't really feel too strongly about it. I was hoping that my first year at university would finally give me a Best Friend, and funnily enough it has ... but not where I was looking.

See, what I realised at Stupid O'Clock in the morning was that my Best Friend is Boy. And I know it's cheesy and cliche and saccharine, but it's true. Because, thinking about it, while I adore all of my University Friends, and while I have some Very Good Friends in most of my housemates, I still get the feeling that I wouldn't exactly be devastated if I never saw them again. But when I think of Boy, I can't imagine what my life would be like without him. I can't see my future without imagining him in it. I want to make him happy and I can't stand it when he's upset about something because it upsets me too. It's a new feeling for me, a completely exhilerating and terrifying one. It terrifies me that I feel this strongly because I've never felt like this before. It's scary and it's weird but at the same time it's wonderfully simple. I love him and I just don't know what I'd do without him.

I'm scared of all sorts of things. I'm scared of losing him, I'm scared of making him scared (ironic much), I'm scared of spending too much time with him and I'm scared of spending not enough time with him.

Maybe it's because I've finally found my Best Friend. Maybe it's because I've finally found the most amazingly amazing Boyfrend ever.

Either way, I don't want this to end.